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Toilet Quotes

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Toilet Quotes
75 toilet quotes follow in order of popularity. Be sure to bookmark and share your favorite toilet quotes!
"In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel."
-Mark Twain
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"I refuse to go into a fast-food outlet - to use the toilet even - in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought I was sneaking in a quick burger."
-Jonny Wilkinson
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"Psychiatry's chief contribution to philosophy is the discovery that the toilet is the seat of the soul."
-Alexander Chase
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"No water, you can't use the toilet. And that's a big concern in the house."
-Bob Buckley
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"Toilet paper all over the floor. Bodies. Babies dying in front of your face."
-Tracy Perkins
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"There's nothing behind a closed door besides a toilet."
-Joe Hurwitz
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"I told them this is not your regular case. I told them I lost a high-tech toilet seat. The detectives contacted me and said they're going to try and find it."
-Hamid Shoushtari
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"Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money."
-Joey Bishop
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"If I'm sitting on the toilet and I'm looking at the grouting on the tiles, that grouting really gets me. Mothers have a thing about grouting."
-Sharon Osbourne
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"They got knocked into the toilet. My dog ate my homework. Oh, and it ate my pain medication. ... They got stolen."
-Marc Kleinman
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"Most of the time he [Marlon Brando] sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper."
-Rex Reed
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"I wouldn't make him a toilet cleaner in Parliament House, let alone Leader of the Opposition."
-Mark Latham
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"In some cases suicidal girls were stripped naked and isolated for extended time periods in windowless empty 'dark rooms' with only a drain in the cement floor to serve as a toilet."
-Alex Acosta
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"We are all shopping in the same stores, so if someone hoards the toilet paper, there's less for us."
-Jason Alderman
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"Looks like the grill to the fan has fallen off, it's behind the toilet here."
-Michelle Meredith
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"You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet."
-Alan King
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"We're not going to try to get these people not to respond. But any lawyer worth his salt will see the subpoenas are not worth so much toilet paper."
-Dick Deguerin
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"Individuals interested in donating can call The Bridge. We do still need food, paper products, money, cleaning supplies - if people could call and coordinate donations. People loved donating clothing to The Bridge - it was an avenue; if they could put their focus on collecting cleaning supplies - toilet paper, food etc. - these items are a priority."
-Maggie Jones
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"France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper."
-Billy Wilder
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"Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development."
-Barry Humphries
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"You can stand up in front of a bunch of four-year-olds and just say 'toilet,' and they'll start laughing."
-Charlie Williams
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"We are going to train the toilet cleaners to upgrade himself or herself to a level where he or she can take care of the entire toilet, including changing bulbs, repairing locks, repairing leaky taps, doing periodical heavy cleaning, technical cleaning, taking away urine salt inside the toilet and recommending changes to the toilet layout."
-Jack Sim
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"Unfortunately I had to leave my favorite paper supplier because their toilet paper costs went out of control."
-Jennifer Smith
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"Just about anything anybody can use, we give out free from toilet paper on up. I feel like God sent me here. Jerry helped me raise my four kids when I lived in Longview Place and St. John's Lutheran School was nearby."
-Maggie White
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"All it takes is someone to dump mercury down the toilet, and I've got this problem again."
-Glenn Dishong
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"There's sort of an art to the whole fence, toilet, concession thing that's sometimes looked at as no big thing. But it's taken years for us to get it down to the way we need it."
-Paul Tollett
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"Well, where do we get our paper? Where do we get our toilet paper? The best thing that you can do to help out is to be very conservative. Don't waste a lot of paper."
-Rebecca Jones
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"I don't want to sugarcoat this. It is not something that is easily done or that is a sure thing. But I have great arguments. For anybody willing to listen, your case is easy to sell. Without this change, fire safety will go down the toilet."
-Terry Lewis
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