Tommy Cooper Quotes

"So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'"
-Tommy Cooper

"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone."
-Tommy Cooper in Dreams quotes.

"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
-Tommy Cooper in Funny quotes.

"I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter."
-Tommy Cooper in Music quotes.

"So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "break my arms.""
-Tommy Cooper

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
-Tommy Cooper

"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in."
-Tommy Cooper

"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"
-Tommy Cooper

"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
-Tommy Cooper in Funny quotes.