Tim Allen Quotes

"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance."
-Tim Allen in Funny quotes.

"Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything."
-Tim Allen

"Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom."
-Tim Allen

"Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive."
-Tim Allen

"There are flaws in the way politics is reported in this country today and we should do something about it, ... Radio and television coverage of politics doesn't see its role as a mission to explain, but to destroy, in a pernicious culture in which journalists pit themselves against politicians."
-Tim Allen

"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded."
-Tim Allen

"Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon."
-Tim Allen

"While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously."
-Tim Allen