Stephen Wright Quotes

"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"
-Stephen Wright

"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it."
-Stephen Wright

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums."
-Stephen Wright in Museums quotes.

"When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?""
-Stephen Wright

"I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row.""
-Stephen Wright in Funny quotes.

"I installed a skylight in my apartment... The people who live above me are furious!"
-Stephen Wright

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
-Stephen Wright