Roseanne Barr Quotes

"My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel."
-Roseanne Barr in Military quotes.

"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job."
-Roseanne Barr

"The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it."
-Roseanne Barr

"Women are cursed and men are the proof."
-Roseanne Barr

"A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like a doughnut."
-Roseanne Barr

"My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside."
-Roseanne Barr

"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."
-Roseanne Barr

"The world makes you into a bitch, no matter how quietly you go, so you may as well go kicking and screaming."
-Roseanne Barr

"There isn't any 'New Man.' The New Man is the old man, only he whines more."
-Roseanne Barr

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
-Roseanne Barr

"I'm only upset that I'm not a widow. [On her ex-husband Tom Arnold]."
-Roseanne Barr

"I hate the word housewife; I don't like the word home-maker either. I want to be called Domestic Goddess."
-Roseanne Barr

"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on."
-Roseanne Barr

"Birth control that really works: Every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids."
-Roseanne Barr

"I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared an intimate evening with my husband I was swept away by the passion (so dormant inside myself) of a long and tortured existence. The physical cravings I had tried so hard to deny finally and ultimately sated... but enough about the pork."
-Roseanne Barr

"There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect."
-Roseanne Barr in Mothers quotes.

"In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, ``Sorry, we're open.''."
-Roseanne Barr

"Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?"
-Roseanne Barr