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Phyllis Diller Quotes

Currently viewing quotes 0 - 15 of 15 by Phyllis Diller

This collection of Phyllis Diller quotes is arranged by popularity as voted by our users for your enjoyment. If you enjoy these quotes, be sure to check out others from famous comedians!
"I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 188 Dislike 0
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 180 Dislike 9
"Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A chinese man threw up on me."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 178 Dislike 0
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 171 Dislike 0
"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"
-Phyllis Diller
Like 152 Dislike 0
"It's an ill wind that blows when you leave the hairdresser."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 150 Dislike 22
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 148 Dislike 0
"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 143 Dislike 7
"My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 140 Dislike 0
"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 117 Dislike 0
"Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 116 Dislike 0
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 112 Dislike 0
"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."
-Phyllis Diller
Like 100 Dislike 9
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