P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

"The weirder you are going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs."
-P. J. O'Rourke in Children quotes.

"Politics are a lousy way for a free man to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop."
-P. J. O'Rourke in Government quotes.

"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"France is like a great compass, which ever way they point to, go the complete opposite direction and you'll be fine."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Never fight an inanimate object."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display excessive grief. This will show others how kind-hearted and loving you are and their improved opinion of you will be very comforting."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
-P. J. O'Rourke in Food quotes.

"Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"When it comes to taking chances, some people like to play poker or shoot dice; other people prefer to parachute jump, go rhino hunting, or climb ice floes, while still others engage in crime or marriage. But I like to get drunk and drive like a fool."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ''learning experience.'' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a ''learning experience.'' It makes me feel less stupid."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Remember the generational battles twenty years ago? Remember all the screaming at the dinner table about haircuts, getting jobs and the American dream? Well, our parents won. They're out living the American dream on some damned golf course in Vero Beach, and we're stuck with the jobs and haircuts."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink."
-P. J. O'Rourke

"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them."
-P. J. O'Rourke