Matt Groening Quotes

"You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
-Matt Groening

"Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos."
-Matt Groening

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."
-Matt Groening

"If money is the root of all evil, then why do we have to have jobs?"
-Matt Groening in Money quotes.

"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."
-Matt Groening

"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"
-Matt Groening in Reading quotes.

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."
-Matt Groening in Love quotes.

"All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer."
-Matt Groening in Killing quotes.

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"
-Matt Groening in Love quotes.

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."
-Matt Groening in Animals quotes.

"I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."
-Matt Groening

"I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."
-Matt Groening in Succeed quotes.

"Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."
-Matt Groening

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
-Matt Groening

"I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich."
-Matt Groening in Appetite quotes.

"I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn."
-Matt Groening in Hope quotes.

"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."
-Matt Groening in Loneliness quotes.

"I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun."
-Matt Groening in Weapons quotes.

"What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?"
-Matt Groening in Money quotes.

"I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff."
-Matt Groening

"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."
-Matt Groening

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"
-Matt Groening in Problems quotes.

"You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done."
-Matt Groening in Justice quotes.

"Families are about love overcoming emotional torture."
-Matt Groening in Love quotes.

"Warning signs that lover is bored: 1. Passionless kisses 2. Frequent sighing 3. Moved, left no forwarding address."
-Matt Groening

"You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity."
-Matt Groening in Meaning quotes.

"If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair."
-Matt Groening in Twins quotes.