Johnny Carson Quotes

"The Hollywood tradition I like best is called 'sucking up to the stars.'"
-Johnny Carson

"Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."
-Johnny Carson in Happiness quotes.

"A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry - that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three-Mile Island."
-Johnny Carson

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."
-Johnny Carson in Television quotes.

"If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."
-Johnny Carson in Marriage quotes.

"Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined."
-Johnny Carson in Work quotes.

"Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die."
-Johnny Carson

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
-Johnny Carson

"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."
-Johnny Carson

"He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner."
-Johnny Carson

"Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?''."
-Johnny Carson

"Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can - and will."
-Johnny Carson

"I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."
-Johnny Carson

"Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president."
-Johnny Carson

"Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair."
-Johnny Carson