Jay Leno Quotes

"You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh."
-Jay Leno

"Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances."
-Jay Leno in Friendship quotes.

"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'"
-Jay Leno in Food quotes.

"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."
-Jay Leno in Funny quotes.

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."
-Jay Leno in Health quotes.

"Politics is just show business for ugly people."
-Jay Leno in Funny quotes.

"Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?"
-Jay Leno in Funny quotes.

"You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that."
-Jay Leno in Laughter quotes.

"According to this week's Time magazine, President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works out 60 to 90 minutes a day with weights. Apparently he likes working out because it 'clears his mind.' Sometimes it works a little too well."
-Jay Leno in Funny quotes.

"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."
-Jay Leno in Politicians quotes.

"War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'"."
-Jay Leno

"How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?"
-Jay Leno

"There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice."
-Jay Leno

"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
-Jay Leno

"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver."
-Jay Leno

"Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio."
-Jay Leno

"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good…Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."
-Jay Leno