Jackie Mason Quotes

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like."
-Jackie Mason in Health quotes.

"We were going to do it before the hurricane, but decided to wait."
-Jackie Mason

"It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life."
-Jackie Mason in Profit quotes.

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."
-Jackie Mason

"By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?"
-Jackie Mason

"Frankly, I'm in shock. I just can't believe it...even though I had every reason to expect it."
-Jackie Mason

"Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant -- even if they wanted to be one?"
-Jackie Mason

"The nervousness never lasted more than a second because he was so congenial and comfortable. He made more stars on his show, probably, than anybody in the whole history of show business."
-Jackie Mason

"[After taking a critical hit in his first non-solo musical venture on Broadway with the short-lived Laughing Room Only, Mason noted the return to his roots.] I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, ... I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me... one Jew talking and that's it."
-Jackie Mason