George F. Burns Quotes

"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."
-George F. Burns in Writing quotes.

"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
-George F. Burns in Acting quotes.

"I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left."
-George F. Burns

"When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile."
-George F. Burns

"People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways -- I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price."
-George F. Burns

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
-George F. Burns

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."
-George F. Burns

"'Is it true that you smoke eight to ten cigars a day?' 'That's true.' 'Is it true that you drink five martinis a day?' 'That's true.' 'Is it true that you still surround yourself with beautiful young women?' 'That's true.' 'What does your doctor say about all of this?' 'My doctor is dead.'"
-George F. Burns

"I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65 I had cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked."
-George F. Burns

"I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect."
-George F. Burns in Age quotes.

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
-George F. Burns in Happiness quotes.

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible."
-George F. Burns

"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."
-George F. Burns in Death quotes.

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
-George F. Burns

"Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age."
-George F. Burns in Age quotes.

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
-George F. Burns

"Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life."
-George F. Burns

"Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years."
-George F. Burns

"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life."
-George F. Burns

"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere."
-George F. Burns

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it."
-George F. Burns

"I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age."
-George F. Burns

"I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money."
-George F. Burns

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
-George F. Burns

"How can I die? I'm booked."
-George F. Burns

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
-George F. Burns

"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle."
-George F. Burns in Happiness quotes.