Fred Allen Quotes

"I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars."
-Fred Allen

"The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference."
-Fred Allen

"A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done."
-Fred Allen

"California is a great place to live if you're an orange."
-Fred Allen

"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare."
-Fred Allen

"He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the goose."
-Fred Allen in Writing quotes.

"I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there."
-Fred Allen

"Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done."
-Fred Allen in Television quotes.

"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart."
-Fred Allen in Hollywood quotes.

"My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back."
-Fred Allen

"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?"
-Fred Allen

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
-Fred Allen

"Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year."
-Fred Allen

"During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk."
-Fred Allen

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
-Fred Allen

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
-Fred Allen in Celebrities quotes.

"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy."
-Fred Allen

"Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars."
-Fred Allen

"Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission."
-Fred Allen

"[Television is] the triumph of machine over people."
-Fred Allen

"My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense."
-Fred Allen

"An income tax form is like a laundry list -- either way you lose your shirt."
-Fred Allen

"Do we really deserve top billing?"
-Fred Allen

"A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done."
-Fred Allen

"Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making."
-Fred Allen

"It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals."
-Fred Allen

"Right now we're not going to cut anything back, because the schedules are already set. Sports participation is an important part of the whole educational concept, and if you don't have extracurricular things to do, some kids just don't make it."
-Fred Allen