Erma Bombeck Quotes

"I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food."
-Erma Bombeck in Food quotes.

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
-Erma Bombeck

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
-Erma Bombeck

"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead."
-Erma Bombeck in Sports quotes.

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
-Erma Bombeck in Funny quotes.

"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest. "
-Erma Bombeck

"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
-Erma Bombeck in Funny quotes.

"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."
-Erma Bombeck

"There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there."
-Erma Bombeck in Dreams quotes.

"I told you I was sick."
-Erma Bombeck

"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage."
-Erma Bombeck

"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
-Erma Bombeck

"Never accept a drink from a urologist."
-Erma Bombeck in Funny quotes.

"Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. "
-Erma Bombeck

"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. "
-Erma Bombeck

"I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex."
-Erma Bombeck