Conan O'brien Quotes

"President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards."
-Conan O'brien in Presidency quotes.

"Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans."
-Conan O'brien in Movies quotes.

"Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity."
-Conan O'brien in Movies quotes.

"If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice."
-Conan O'brien in Life quotes.

"CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'"
-Conan O'brien

"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
-Conan O'brien

"The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army."
-Conan O'brien

"In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union."
-Conan O'brien