Andy Rooney Quotes

"Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'."
-Andy Rooney in Native americans quotes.

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."
-Andy Rooney in Computers quotes.

"Nothing in fine print is ever good news."
-Andy Rooney

"Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens."
-Andy Rooney

"If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it."
-Andy Rooney

"We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 290,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it."
-Andy Rooney

"Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve."
-Andy Rooney

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-Andy Rooney

"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."
-Andy Rooney

"Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head."
-Andy Rooney

"The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong."
-Andy Rooney

"Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research, it is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts an."
-Andy Rooney