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Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Page 3

Currently viewing quotes 61 - 90 of 836 by Ambrose Bierce

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This collection of Ambrose Bierce quotes is arranged by popularity as voted by our users for your enjoyment. If you enjoy these quotes, be sure to check out others from famous journalists!
"RUM, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers."
-Ambrose Bierce
"JUSTICE, n. A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service."
-Ambrose Bierce
"ENTHUSIASM, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. Byron, who recovered long enough to call it 'entuzy-muzy,' had a relapse, which carried him off -- to Missolonghi."
-Ambrose Bierce
"REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted. In the American army it is ingeniously called 'rev-e-lee,' and to that pronunciation our countrymen have pledged their lives, their misfortunes and their sacred dishonor."
-Ambrose Bierce
"DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters. All hail, Delusion! Were it not for thee The world turned topsy-turvy we should see; For Vice, respectable with cleanly fancies, Would fly abandoned Virtue's gross advances. Mumfrey Mappel."
-Ambrose Bierce
"Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility."
-Ambrose Bierce
"SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine. Frequently appended to each installment is a 'synopsis of preceding chapters' for those who have not read them, but a direr need is a synposis of succeeding chapters for those who do not intend to read _them_. A synposis of the entire work would be still better. The late J."
-Ambrose Bierce
"RASH, adj. Insensible to the value of our advice. 'Now lay your bet with mine, nor let These gamblers take your cash.' 'Nay, this child makes no bet.' 'Great snakes! How can you be so rash?' Bootle P. Gish."
-Ambrose Bierce
"RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character. Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield, By guard unparried as by flight unstayed, O serviceable Rumor, let me wield Against my enemy no other blade. His be the terror of a foe unseen, His the inutile hand upon the hilt, And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen, Hinting a rumor of some ."
-Ambrose Bierce
"CONSUL, n. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure and office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country."
-Ambrose Bierce
"WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion, deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn be."
-Ambrose Bierce
"MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal."
-Ambrose Bierce
"BERENICE'S HAIR, n. A constellation (_Coma Berenices_) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband. Her locks an ancient lady gave Her loving husband's life to save; And men - they honored so the dame - Upon some stars bestowed her name. But to our modern married fair, Who'd give their lords to save their hair, No stellar recogni."
-Ambrose Bierce
"GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason. In his great work on _Divergent Lines of Racial Evolution_, the learned Professor Brayfugle argues from the prevalence of this gesture -- the shrug -- among Frenchmen, that they are descended from turtles and it is simply a survival of the habit of retracing the head inside the shell. It is with reluctance ."
-Ambrose Bierce
"RIME, n. Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse, mostly bad. The verses themselves, as distinguished from prose, mostly dull. Usually (and wickedly) spelled 'rhyme.'"
-Ambrose Bierce
"PLAUDITS, n. Coins with which the populace pays those who tickle and devour it."
-Ambrose Bierce
"REVERENCE, n. The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man."
-Ambrose Bierce
"RAREBIT, n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that _riz-de-veau a la financiere_ is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker."
-Ambrose Bierce
"LIBERTY, n. One of Imagination's most precious possessions. The rising People, hot and out of breath, Roared around the palace: 'Liberty or death!' 'If death will do,' the King said, 'let me reign; You'll have, I'm sure, no reason to complain.' Martha Braymance."
-Ambrose Bierce
"INTENTION, n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act."
-Ambrose Bierce
"INFLUENCE, n. In politics, a visionary _quo_ given in exchange for a substantial _quid_."
-Ambrose Bierce
"OFFENSIVE, adj. Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy. 'Were the enemy's tactics offensive?' the king asked. 'I should say so!' replied the unsuccessful general. 'The blackguard wouldn't come out of his works!'"
-Ambrose Bierce
"PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn."
-Ambrose Bierce
"FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person -- a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case. When Adam long ago in Cupid's awful court (For Cupid ruled ere Adam was invented) Sued for Eve's favor, says an ancient law report, He stood and pleaded unhabilimented. 'You sue _in forma pauperis_, I s."
-Ambrose Bierce
"MAYONNAISE, n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion."
-Ambrose Bierce
"POLYGAMY, n. A house of atonement, or expiatory chapel, fitted with several stools of repentance, as distinguished from monogamy, which has but one."
-Ambrose Bierce
"SEVERALTY, n. Separateness, as, lands in severalty, i.e., lands held individually, not in joint ownership. Certain tribes of Indians are believed now to be sufficiently civilized to have in severalty the lands that they have hitherto held as tribal organizations, and could not sell to the Whites for waxen beads and potato whiskey. Lo! the poor Indian whose unsuited mind Saw death be."
-Ambrose Bierce
"OUTDO, v.t. To make an enemy."
-Ambrose Bierce
"PUBLISH, n. In literary affairs, to become the fundamental element in a cone of critics."
-Ambrose Bierce
"ADMIRAL, n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the figure-head does the thinking."
-Ambrose Bierce
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