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Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Page 2

Currently viewing quotes 31 - 60 of 836 by Ambrose Bierce

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This collection of Ambrose Bierce quotes is arranged by popularity as voted by our users for your enjoyment. If you enjoy these quotes, be sure to check out others from famous journalists!
"NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization."
-Ambrose Bierce
"ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit."
-Ambrose Bierce
"Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen."
-Ambrose Bierce
"CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread."
-Ambrose Bierce
"ELOQUENCE, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white."
-Ambrose Bierce
"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
-Ambrose Bierce in Love quotes.
"KORAN, n. A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures."
-Ambrose Bierce
"ABASEMENT, n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer."
-Ambrose Bierce
"ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity."
-Ambrose Bierce
"Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic."
-Ambrose Bierce in Art quotes.
"OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief. 'Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness,' said God. 'No,' replied the petitioner, 'I wish you to create something that would justify them.' 'The world is all created,' said God, 'but you have overlooked something -- the mortality of the optimist.'"
-Ambrose Bierce
"Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having."
-Ambrose Bierce in Weather quotes.
"VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions."
-Ambrose Bierce
"RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection."
-Ambrose Bierce
"ABSCOND, v.i. To 'move in a mysterious way,' commonly with the property of another. Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond. Phela Orm."
-Ambrose Bierce
"PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead."
-Ambrose Bierce
"AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world."
-Ambrose Bierce
"PANTHEISM, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything."
-Ambrose Bierce
"PYRRHONISM, n. An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that."
-Ambrose Bierce
"REDUNDANT, adj. Superfluous; needless; _de trop_. The Sultan said: 'There's evidence abundant To prove this unbelieving dog redundant.' To whom the Grand Vizier, with mien impressive, Replied: 'His head, at least, appears excessive.' Habeeb Suleiman Mr. Debs is a redundant citizen. Theodore Roosevelt."
-Ambrose Bierce
"DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another."
-Ambrose Bierce
"GLUTTON, n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia."
-Ambrose Bierce
"PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation."
-Ambrose Bierce
"PATRIOTISM, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first."
-Ambrose Bierce
"ABRUPT, adj. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon- shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another author's ideas that they were 'concatenated without abruption.'"
-Ambrose Bierce
"HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate."
-Ambrose Bierce
"BRANDY, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the- grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it."
-Ambrose Bierce
"HOVEL, n. The fruit of a flower called the Palace. Twaddle had a hovel, Twiddle had a palace; Twaddle said: 'I'll grovel Or he'll think I bear him malice' -- A sentiment as novel As a castor on a chalice. Down upon the middle Of his legs fell Twaddle And astonished Mr. Twiddle, Who began to lift his noddle. Feed upon th."
-Ambrose Bierce
"DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing. Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ All that he had of wisdom and of wit. So the Recording Angel, when Hearst died, Erased all entries of his own and cried: 'I'll judge you by your diary.' Said Hearst: 'Thank you; 'twill show you I am Saint the First' - Strai."
-Ambrose Bierce
"HYBRID, n. A pooled issue."
-Ambrose Bierce
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